Big Sexy NBA Preview
This year the NBA is back. Not 2011-2012, post-lockout back. Back, back. Most are healthy (I'm looking at you Ricky Rubio). Most are in shape (I'm looking at you Lamar Odom). Most are excited to be here (I'm looking at you James Harden). Most are bikini ready. Most ...
Who sexy? (The Kyle Korver Category)
Miami Heat - LeBron didn't need to win me over. He is the best player in the world. It's not close. Now that his quest for his first title is over, his quest to surpass Jordan begins. God speed LeBron.
L.A. Lakers - Steve Nash to Dwight Howard. Ugh. Kobe, if you're reading this ... You don't want to let Steve Nash have the ball in his hands the majority of the time. You don't want to give any of your shots to Dwight and Nash. You want to be the All-Time leading scorer. Grab the ball. Hold the ball. Shoot the ball.
OKC Thunder - I like the James Harden trade. He was overrated. You can tell he is overrated because the Rockets went and got him. Just like Tracy McGrady, Ron Artest, Kevin Martin, and Jeremy Lin before him. Instead they got borderline lottery picks to help add to one of the best rosters in the league, a legit backup scorer in Martin, and an all-around good player with tons of upside in Jeremy Lamb. That's a win. They are the last line of defense against a Lakers-Heat Finals.
Boston Celtics - They good. Jason Terry's gone a hit a ton of threes. Rondo is going to do Rondo things. Paul Pierce is going to sleepwalk through the regular season and than hit a ton of clutch shots in the Playoffs. As opposed to Celtics teams in the last few years, the bench is great.
San Antonio Spurs - Like nature, they will always find a way. - Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park IX, 2034.
Brooklyn Nets - I like the way this team is put together. They have legit players in all positions. If Deron can regain 85% of what he was in 2010, they will have homecourt in the first round of the playoffs.
Toronto Raptors - Whoa! Somebody lost some weight! Just like some girls on Survivor who start out a little pudgy, by day 20 ... they're starting to look a little good (I'm looking at your R.C.). Kyle Lowry is good. Deron Williams-lite. Front-line is better. They have a couple of shooters. Their front line can score. I like them as a sleeper.
Portland Trailblazers - Ugh. People are sleeping on the Blazers. It hurts me so deep to see Damian Lillard ball in the Pacific Northwest. They have legit players at every position other than Center. Lillard will win Rookie of the Year over THE BROW and I like them as a sleeper to make the Playoffs.
Phoenix Suns - Prognosticators are picking the Suns to be one of the worst teams in the league. Here's the thing ... I kind of like this team. I LOVE Goran Dragic. I was praying the Jazz would draft him in the second round in his draft (they passed). Gortat is a legit center. Scola is a pest. Dudley is a good role player. I think Wesley Johnson is salvageable. Playoffs?
Who ugly? (Delonte West Category)
Washington Wizards - Yikes. No John Wall? Hide the kids, hide the wife.
Charlotte Bobcats - Sorry Kidd-Gilchrist. I love you but, you are not touching the ball. Ben Gordon and Kemba Walker are going to be throwing shots up. Byron Mullins might be the least talented ball hog in history. Lottery picks everywhere will be praying the Bobcats don't pick them.
Dallas Mavericks - Their second best player is O.J. Mayo, a player who is best described as untapped potential. Their best player will be out early in the year. Yeah Dallas, Chris Paul and Dwight Howard will DEFINITELY sign there next summer.
Sacramento Kings - This roster is like a romantic relationship between Margret Thatcher and Barack Obama. It. Just. Doesn't. Make. Sense. Can't wait for Jimmer to get traded to the Jazz in February for Jamal Tinsley and a first round pick.
Minnesota Timberwolves - Who is going to score on this team without Ricky Rubio and Kevin Love? Don't say AK.
Who is Enes Kanter? Enes Kanter Category
Utah Jazz - I hope this doesn't jinx things, but ... I'm all in on this Jazz team. I have not been this excited about a Jazz team since the 2008-2009 season. Marvin Williams is the most underrated pickup of the offseason. He is going to be huge. Mo Williams is going to hit shots that Devin Harris doesn't hit in his dreams. Gordon Hayward is going to be better. Alec Burks is going to be better. Randy Foye is Michael Jordan in comparison to Raja Bell and Josh Howard.
Enes Kanter - Enes Kanter: Most Improved Player 2012-2013.
1. Miami Heat
2. Boston Celtics
3. Brooklyn Nets
4. Indiana Pacers
5. Atlanta Hawks
6. Philadelphia 76ers
7. Chicago Bulls
8. New York Knicks
1. OKC Thunder
2. LA Lakers
3. San Antonio Spurs
4. Utah Jazz
5. LA Clippers
6. Denver Nuggets
7. Memphis Grizzlies
8. Portland Trailblazers
Heat over Knicks
Celtics over Bulls
Nets over 76ers
Pacers over Hawks
Heat over Pacers
Celtics over Nets
Heat over Celtics
Thunder over Blazers
Lakers over Grizzlies
Nuggets over Spurs
Jazz over Clippers
Thunder over Jazz
Lakers over Nuggets
Thunder over Lakers
Heat over Thunder (again)
Be happy. The NBA is back.